Friday, September 18, 2009


Welcome to Friday Fragments.

I write briefly about things that probably should be written about in length, which means I'm trying to be short-winded with a full pair of lungs.

Mrs. 4444 taught me to do this. You should check it out for yourself.

+==+ Saw a church sign that read "The Bible is God's Facebook." Now, that got me thinking. If this were true, then it would reason Jesus, his son, was a Friend. And it would therefore further reason that he might consult with his son on occasion. But in what manner would he do it? Would it be chat speak? When faced with, say, how to deal with televangelists ripping millions off from their viewers, would he write on Jesus's wall simply: "WWYD?"

+==+ Had my first tests in college this week. Philosophy and algebra, in fact. I got a 93 on the Philosophy test, a 92 on the one in algebra. That makes me an honor student for the first time in my life!

+==+ Can someone tell me why, when you're experiencing diarrhea, that the shortest distance from your ass to the seat of a toilet becomes a distance so profoundly long that it can no longer be calculated using basic math? Or that your bowels, which are supposed to measure the length of a football field when stretched out, suddenly become shorter than the distance between your wrist and your elbow? Or that it's poetic justice that the only warning your body gives you that you're about to excrete is the sound of a toilet being flushed in your abdomen? Or why this never happens when you're at home, but rather in public, and therefore must go to a public restroom, and why, when you get to the public restroom, the stall next to you is occupied by a guy on his cell phone with his girl saying "I love you too, Baby"?

Just wondering.

+==+ Corrine's birthday was Thursday and I bought her some gifts. I bought her a hand-made coffee mug (as opposed to something mass-produced in China) that has an illustrated image of a woman with a shock of blond hair. It reminded me of her. I also bought her a floor-length dress (blue I think) and a black see-through sleeved shawl-looking thing that buttons at the neck, to go over the dress. These are not the actual terms used for these items, folks. Calm down. Also, I bought her a matching earring and necklace set, but the necklace is more like a choker so we need a longer chain for it. I also got her a card but because everything is so hectic, I didn't have a chance to sign it. It's blank on the inside and I was wanting to write something long and romantic. She took a rain check, but loved all the gifts. Guess who's getting lucky this weekend? Cha-ching! Money, baby! Money in the bank!

+==+ We got the first episodes of season one of Thirtysomething, a show I used to watch at the end of the 80s, when I was entering my twentysomethings. I liked the clothes, mostly. Now, I think they look a lot like the pretentious, preppie assholes I wanted to bitch-slap in high school. You know, when I was tensomething?

+==+ In first-year writing seminar (see: College Writing 101) we're reading and dissecting Richard Wright's Black Boy. When he was a child, his mother beat him nearly to death; and he killed a kitten on his father's command; and his mother put him and his brother in an orphange because she could not afford to take care of them - but only temporarily; and him and his neighborhood friends used to watch the neighbor folks using the latrines that stood on the endge of a hill and had no back wall, so you could see everything.

Next, we're reading the memoir of a woman who was raped her freshman year in college.

And after that, we're reading the memoir of a woman who suffers from epilepsy, a condition that, for some people, turns them into chronic liars.

Next year they're changing the title of the class to Oprah 101: Depressing Literature and Its Devastating Effects on People's Love of Reading Just For the Fun of It.

+==+ I purchased music sequencing software that is used for orchestrating. I plan to compose a ballet, believe it or not. I will have someone else choreograph, of course...There's no joke here. I'm really going to do it.


  1. What's up Honor Student!!!

    The FB thing cracked me up.

    I used to love Thirtysomething. I wonder if I would like it now.

  2. WWYD? That had me in a fit of giggles. That's great.

    My husband and I are just awful about getting each other birthday gifts. We rarely give anything, but rather just go out to dinner. It sounds like you are very thoughtful in your gift giving.

    The books you're talking about is the reason why I hated those classes. I don't want to read that. I get nightmares.

    Congrats on being an honor student :)

    Kristin - The Goat

  3. It really annoyed me in college that almost all the required reading was too depressing even for the Lifetime Movie Network.

  4. Ugh, those required books sound HORRID! Why is horrible depressing live sucking stuff like that always considered "deep" and therefore important to analyze?

    I giggled out loud at WWYD.

  5. Hey! Way to go with the test grades!

    I burst out with audible laughter at the Writing 101 required reading. I'm with mub, depressing is NOT necessarily deep.

    I tutor my friend who's in English 015. Her reading assigned for this week was an article about a horrific teen drunk driving accident and the tragic aftermath. Why in the world would they have anthologized that?!

    Neither of us wanted to read it. We both have kids that will be teens one day. We distracted ourselves by giggling like fools any time someone walked by our booth at the cafe. It was pretty embarrassing - a 30something and 40something mom sitting there giggling in avoidance. I think we creeped out the poor med student who was trying to study near us!

    Ultimately, we only skimmed enough of it to finesse a paragraph of response.

    Then I came home and hugged my little ones and told them, Okay never,ever,ever get in a car with someone who's been drinking. Just call me and I'll come get you - no hassles.


    Glad C liked her gifts!

  6. I have no doubt you will follow through on that ballet thing.

    I think I'm at least half way through the fragments this week. Your crack about the class name changing made me LMAO. So, so appropriate a title, that one.

    Congrats on the successful test-taking! Keep up the good work.

    Boy, you must really like Corrine! :) Nice gifts, there, Mister!

  7. The gifts were GREAT! The mug is my fav...nothing better than a great mug!

    I am WICKED proud of you babe. Your test scores, I mean! However your quick wit and sense of humor , keeps me rolling to. IT IS ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE being Mrs. Turner.