Me! Me! Me!

Pictures of Me. Below. As a kid.
My sister Alison got a new tricycle for Christmas. I needed a ride to the kitchen. I especially love this photo because A) It's a good one of us, B) She's doing all the work, which was always the case C) The tree is hilariously Charlie Brownish. It's like we all just took a handful of ornaments and tinsel and garland and just threw it at the poor tree.


Not sure how old I am. I think maybe fourth grade. That's a professional haircut, by the way. Called the Hedge-Trimmer in 1978 when this was taken.


Me at, like 5? 6? This is kindergarten sign-ups, or maybe Sunday School. I'm displaying my signature nervous habit: shit-eating grin and twiddling my fingers. I still do this even today.


Me and my brother, Woofie. (Yes, yes, for the 100th time, that's his real name) How do like my hair? Stop droolin, ladies. You know you want me. This is 1987, by the way. My senior year in kindergarten. What's remarkable is how much the hairstyles reflect the generation. Woof graduated in 1980, and looks like a member of Styx. I look like a member of New Kids on the Block.


I was left in this tree. The photographer (Dad) hoisted me, took the picture, then ran like hell, shouting "We're free! We're free! Get in the damn car, Alice!" I like the muscle shirt. And the crew cut. And the ... what the hell are those, windpants? On an August hike in New Hampshire. Jesus.

Another professional haircut. This was called the Wing Bowl. A bowl cut, but with a slight wing in the front. See it? On windy days it acted as a spoiler. I could run faster with this haircut. Of course, with this shirt on, I was launched like a kite on the playground. My friends loved that feature, and would shout "Okay, now let's hit him with rocks!"

Me and Alison again. The only time I ever had a decent haircut in my life. But again with the muscle shirt. And it looks like two dogs humping cigars on the front. Is it me, or does Alison's smile look a little apologetic? Like she's saying "He's not really a blood relative. We found him at an orphanage for special kids."