Friday, March 27, 2009

Boost Me Baby

The student health center of the University of Maine at Farmington informed me, by letter, that I am not in compliance with Maine State Law.

They even capitalized Maine State Law, in defiance of every grammatical rule I know, just to give it added weight. Oooh. It's not just the law, it's Maine State Law. I better sit up and take notice. The Maine State Police might Come and Arrest Me.

It seems that when you apply to college you have to be immunized against everything. Even if you're 41, like me.

There's measles, of course. And then there's German measles, which is measles on diesel.

There's something called a titer 2MMR, which is immunization against measles, mumps and rubella all at once. This is confusing. I mean, am I being vaccinated against the possibility, at 41, of getting all three at the same time? Jesus Christ, what goes on at UMaine/Farmington? Is there a germ warfare laboratory near the creative writing building? Do my professors all wear protective suits like they did in The Andromeda Strain?

Also, proof that you had the mumps is not enough proof of immunity.

Now, my mom would argue against this. She always used to say "You already had the mumps. You can play with Timmy Johnson. Just don't touch his sores."

Who's right here? UMaine or Mom? Do I take a stand? Can we have a debate, them against her? I know who would win.

My last tetanus/diphtheria booster was in 1984. Administered in the event that I stepped on a rusty nail or scratched my hand on a record player needle listening to DEVO. I need to get it again because the boost is gone. They tell me that it has to be done within 10 years of enrollment. Nothing more than this fact illuminated for me the sobering reality that I will be old enough to teach these classes let alone attend them. When you're tetanus booster has worn off, you're fucking old, man.

Corrine made an appointment for me to get the 2MMR and tetanus shots. Just so that I can be in compliance with Maine State Law. I'd hate to risk, you know, coming down with diphtheria right there in Introduction to Ebola, which is a prerequisite to the creative writing degree.


  1. I had no idea I was residing in an office next to Typhoid Mary. Or was it Typhoid Sally Hands?

    Either way, I'm all shivery now.

  2. I have 2 thoughts. If they must be within 10 years of enrollment.. Tell them you have a solid plan for 2019! Hee hee.
    Also SO has cancer and had a bone marrow transplant in Boston 2 years ago. As this process destroys one's immune system, he too, has to have each and every baby shot and booster that we give the kiddos. I feel your pain.

  3. I actually found myself laughing out load when you mused about what is going on at UMaine-Farmington regarding communicable diseases and whatnot.

    I also remembered submitting a handwritten note a few years back to a State Univ. of NY campus from my mother stating that I did have the first round of vacs. as a child so I could enroll in a few master's courses.

    A handwritten a record of "Tracy had her MMR shot on 3/30/1974" and "Tracy had her oral polio on 11/4/1980" (or something like that).

    Life certainly has changed!