Thursday, May 21, 2009

100 Posts Contest

Yes, you read that right

Large-breasted women love Nerds

Oh, and this also happens to be my 100th post

So, in honor of this, I have a contest!

Below are 5 quotes from the 100 posts.

The first to correctly identify the date (month/Day/Year) and the title of all quotes, gets the prize.

1. On coming back, I feared he would start yelping. I was sure his guard-dog instinct would erupt in him, and that he would start pouncing my wife's back in an attempt to alert her to THE STRANGER ON THE PATH. This is what loyal dogs do for their families: they bark obscenities at angry bears while the family can escape; they catch white-shirted Bible-thumpers in mid sentence and rush them off your lawn. ("Good morning, have you found...JESUS!")
2. There is zero romance in trying to eat mushroom caps stuffed with seafood, and baked stuffed jumbo shrimp, in a great restaurant while a 2-year-old eats the tabs of butter and the baby has audible gas. The elderly couple seated next to us were French Canadian and were noticeably put off by Gabi's hide-and-seek behind a restaurant curtain. They kept giving Corrine dirty French Canadian looks as they sipped their wine.
3. The house, built in 1850 during John McCain's first run for the presidency, is slightly pitched toward the middle. Door casings slope toward center, as do the floors, the stairs, the windows. Anything made of wood, let's say. In fact, my second-oldest brother complains that he needs to be drunk in order to walk a straight line in my home.
4. Avis is where I began. And where we all began. Avis and Howard, Ina and Ralph, my father's parents. They were the May Poles around which we, their offspring, have danced for so long, holding onto their streamers and not letting go.
5. I had one of those moments when you're being confronted by someone unexpectedly and the light around the corners of your vision blurs and your face gets really hot. That was how the email ended. Not a word about whether he liked the story or the characters or something.


  1. where did you find that picture of me?

  2. I could totally do this...I read and re-read your blog posts. Every single freakin' word, man. Even when they are looooooong.

    But, so as to give someone else a chance, I will wait. If nobody gets it after a few days, I'll swoop in and claim the prize. After all, who knows if everybody else loves you enough to do RESEARCH???

    And, what's the prize??? I mean, is it worth it?? I'm a very busy unemployed person, you know.

  3. August 25th, 2005, This Dog Don't Hunt

    October 3, 2008, The Honeymoon: Isn't it Romantic, Part I

    January 3, 2009, Pipes Filled With Ice

    November 4, 2008, Posing for Pappy

    December 5, 2008, Mistakes Happen

    And DANG, your wife is HOT! :) (Thanks, M.E. for your self-control!! :)

  4. P.S. Just found Surfacing on Amazon. Is that my prize, because I would love to read it, and so would both of my kids, I'm sure! :) (no pressure. I'm just sayin....)

  5. Mary Ellen: You mean some of my posts are lengthy?

    Mrs. 444: So YOU'RE the other person who reads my blog

    Corrine: I'm so getting you that shirt (and you're way hotter than her, I just needed a funny Big Breasted I-Love-Nerds T-Shirt Wearing Woman)