Love Me, Please

This is Friday Fragments, a bunch of unrelated thoughts and events that have occurred to me or at me or near me this past week. Mrs. 4444 over Half Past Kissin' Time is the originator of this cool idea. Check her out. She's wicked.

# Corrine and I watched 3 Days of the Condor recently. The main character's name is Joe Turner, who makes a reference to Dick Tracy, the detective. Joe Turner is my uncle. Dick Tracy is Corrine's uncle. Just a coincidence, or a sign that, in 1973, the movie's producers knew Corrine and I were fated for each other? Hmmm? Come one. You know it's freaky, don't lie.

# I never thought my grandmother, who is in her early 90s, would outlive Farah or Michael. Are you shitting me? I was not a Farah girl. I liked Kate more, maybe because I never had a thing for blonds. And, I am NOT ashamed to say, I was a huge fan of Michael. He was and will always be one of the greatest entertainers of this or any other age. His personal weirdness aside, his departure is stunning and sad and pathetic.

# Griffin turns a year old today! Dude! You've got to be kidding me. He's walking, he's teething, he's dancing, he's amazing.

# Today, I head to Farmington for a Course Selection Day at the university. I meet with my advisor, get a tour of the campus, and pick classes. I'm cautiously excited. Excitedly cautious.

# I have come to the conclusion that I have a persecution complex. You know, where I think everyone is dicking me around and I'm not getting any love from anyone. It comes and goes and it really brings my mood down. It works like this: I have dreams at night in which real people in my life dog me for this or that; during the day, I think about this person or that person who dislikes me (for real); and at other times, my blood boils at the various times in my life when someone I know has insulted me. Why does this happen? When am I going to just let go of the haters? When am I going to just face the facts: I'm human, and to err is human, and that I cannot go through life putting myself on trial, and acting as my own defense attorney?

I think I am a nice person, a worthy human, with flaws. I have a temper, I am moody, but I also have a soaring spirit. A giving heart. A mind toward the happiness of those around me, not their despair. I wish for the success of those who hate me. I put my family first in all things, but I also selfishly steal hours at a time alone so that I can pursue my art.

If I have failed you, I am sorry. If I have hurt you, I did not intend it. It was not with malice, but self-preservation, that I made decisions that altered your path and the perceptions of others.

# My daughter told me she thought Corrine was attractive. I'm not sure why, but after I dropped her off, on the drive back home alone, I felt like crying.

# The title of my autobiography, so far: "What Is and What Should Never Be"