Friday, June 26, 2009

Love Me, Please

Friday Fragments?

This is Friday Fragments, a bunch of unrelated thoughts and events that have occurred to me or at me or near me this past week. Mrs. 4444 over Half Past Kissin' Time is the originator of this cool idea. Check her out. She's wicked.

# Corrine and I watched 3 Days of the Condor recently. The main character's name is Joe Turner, who makes a reference to Dick Tracy, the detective. Joe Turner is my uncle. Dick Tracy is Corrine's uncle. Just a coincidence, or a sign that, in 1973, the movie's producers knew Corrine and I were fated for each other? Hmmm? Come one. You know it's freaky, don't lie.

# I never thought my grandmother, who is in her early 90s, would outlive Farah or Michael. Are you shitting me? I was not a Farah girl. I liked Kate more, maybe because I never had a thing for blonds. And, I am NOT ashamed to say, I was a huge fan of Michael. He was and will always be one of the greatest entertainers of this or any other age. His personal weirdness aside, his departure is stunning and sad and pathetic.

# Griffin turns a year old today! Dude! You've got to be kidding me. He's walking, he's teething, he's dancing, he's amazing.

# Today, I head to Farmington for a Course Selection Day at the university. I meet with my advisor, get a tour of the campus, and pick classes. I'm cautiously excited. Excitedly cautious.

# I have come to the conclusion that I have a persecution complex. You know, where I think everyone is dicking me around and I'm not getting any love from anyone. It comes and goes and it really brings my mood down. It works like this: I have dreams at night in which real people in my life dog me for this or that; during the day, I think about this person or that person who dislikes me (for real); and at other times, my blood boils at the various times in my life when someone I know has insulted me. Why does this happen? When am I going to just let go of the haters? When am I going to just face the facts: I'm human, and to err is human, and that I cannot go through life putting myself on trial, and acting as my own defense attorney?

I think I am a nice person, a worthy human, with flaws. I have a temper, I am moody, but I also have a soaring spirit. A giving heart. A mind toward the happiness of those around me, not their despair. I wish for the success of those who hate me. I put my family first in all things, but I also selfishly steal hours at a time alone so that I can pursue my art.

If I have failed you, I am sorry. If I have hurt you, I did not intend it. It was not with malice, but self-preservation, that I made decisions that altered your path and the perceptions of others.

# My daughter told me she thought Corrine was attractive. I'm not sure why, but after I dropped her off, on the drive back home alone, I felt like crying.

# The title of my autobiography, so far: "What Is and What Should Never Be"


  1. Happy Birthday to your son!

    I think everyone suffers from the "everyone is out to get me" feeling at one time or another.
    I know I do. I wish I had the answer.

  2. Boy, this post is a downer.

    1973, when the movie was made..THAT WAS THE YEAR I WAS BORN. Now, didn't premiere in September??? FATE!

    Sorry about M.J. I know that he was an icon and we all adored him at one time or another. I grew up singing, Ben & ABC. Then came Beat It, Billie Jean, and Thriller.

    Griffin turning one is amazing, and sad! My children define me, most of the time. What will I do when I am not needed. I guess that I ahve a few good years left.

    As far as you crying about the convo with FPT, it was just a small piece of a conversation, that I think may have bothered you. Just a little. Admit it. You know what I mean.

    Your complex, the first first step is admitting you have a problem. : )
    You are lucky, Andy. So many people adore you, and you can't see them. You are caught up with the ill wishers. That has been beating you for the majority of your adult life. Fuck 'em, I say. You don't need people to bring you down. Hell, you can do that on your own!

  3. One more thing, I LOVE YOU BABY!!!
    You deserve great things!

  4. Totally funny that Corinne said this was a downer cuz I was just thinking, "Damn, Andy, way to start my Friday out on a mostly depressing note."

    You have time though to say something witty and make up for upsetting me.

    I'll be waiting.


  5. guys, I'm not on the ledge or anything here

    I just feel like there are some who would rather that I was

    That's all

    Now is that so depressing?

  6. I think some would like to push me off the ledge!!!

  7. You're crazy. Seriously; go see someone. (JK) Corrinne, I just love you, not as in I just love YOU (and not Andy), but love how you love this imperfect man, heehee. You're great.

    Andy, I think you just need to work on some rational-emotive "therapy," in which you use positive self-talk when someone seems to be hating on you. For example, "I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and dawgonnit! People LIKE me!"

  8. Gee, I don't know anybody who wishes you'd jump. Maybe I'm hanging around the wrong people.

    Or maybe you are.

  9. Very sad day for both of those families!

    Happy Bday to your son! 1 is fun. We're at 3 here....not so much fun! LOL

  10. Yes, in spite of whatever the truth may be with Michael Jackson, there is no denying his iconic status and the incredible musical legacy he leaves behind.

  11. Happy Bday little dude! :)

    And that is a great title for the autobiography.

  12. Three Days of the Condor...isn't that the one where he learns most of what he knows (which is alot), by reading books?

    If that is the one I'm thinking of, I remember loving that movie a few decades ago!

  13. Hey good luck with the course selection. Sounds like some big stuff coming up there. When kids go to college, it's expected. When adults go back to school, it's directed and filled with a hopeful future.

    We writers tend to have persecution complexes, I think in part because we also have perfectionist tendencies. As with critiques, ya gotta a grow a thick skin and realize the the criticism isn't about YOU. Even when it feels like it. I appreciate that you could write about it so candidly, because most wouldn't.

  14. Hey you!
    We all have those days and those moments and we all meet those people who are just in a place where they need to be less than we need them to be. It sucks, but it's just life.

    If you think about it, it's mostly not personal. It's really not. Almost all of the people who have been horrible to me weren't doing it because they really cared so much about ME; they were doing it because of holes in their own souls. It wasn't about me.

    You are a fantastic person, an astounding father, a devoted husband, and an awesome writer. Just the other day I was amazed that I actually am reading your work in process. It's really good, Andy. You're good. In fact, you're so good that Purple Holly deserves its shot at having an agent and a publishing house. Don't sell yourself short out of fear.

    If it makes you feel any better, a lot of times before I post on my blog, I hesitate and wonder what Corrine and Andrew are going to think of me. I'm with M.E. and Corrine. Pay atttention to those who build you up, and stay away from the others!!

  15. gotta think positive and speak positive!
    Life is good!